… So, you need to dispose of cremated remains

Cremation is the final disposition of choice for more than 75% of Albertan deaths.

The pandemic has placed great restrictions on how we say goodbye, so many families are rethinking what the whole “saying farewell” ritual or ceremony is about. Who is it about and for? What are we going to do with the remains? How do we scatter? Where can we scatter? 

There are few legal regulations when it comes to scattering in Alberta. The emotional implications are often more profound than anticipated. It is wise to plan and consider the process for scattering. It is irreversible.

Many folks don’t have experience with how much cremated remains are returned to a family. I use the picture of a 2.2 kg bag of sugar as a general illustration of the quantity of remains to be received back. 

It is a more common practice these days to divide remains for different family members and different scattering or interment (placing in a cemetery) processes. A relatively new product in the market is the scattering tube. They come in different sizes and are very useful to support the ritual of scattering -- much easier than shaking out of a large urn or big plastic bag.

Here is a link to Government of Alberta guidelines for scattering remains as well as a link for scattering in Jasper National Park.

Now, if I had a dollar for every person who told me they want to become a tree from their cremated remains, I’d likely be looking at retiring. Sounds pretty straightforward, doesn’t it? It is not without complication if not well thought through. Here’s why: cremated remains are largely bone ash and bone pieces. The pH level of the remains is too alkaline for most plants. Some plants and trees benefit from a higher alkaline level, but so many do not. It is quite likely the tree roots will die and hence, so will the tree. Now, your loved one has died and so has their commemorative tree. 

The key to becoming a healthy, oxygen-producing tree is in the advance planning. Remains can be broadly mixed with potting mediums before planting to alter the ph balance in the base. 

Another option could be to use a separate container to house the remains. An urn, mason jar, wood box or Tim Horton’s coffee can could be planted beside the tree. It will take a few years for some containers to break down. By that time, the tree should be well established.

Of course, there is always the option to place cremated remains in a cemetery (to “inter” not “intern”). Most cemeteries these days make provision for several sets of remains in one plot. They also provide cremation plots (smaller than for a casket) and niche compartments in the columbarium (respectful public storage) structures. Many people choose to do a combination of scattering to the wind (remember to check wind direction) and interring in a sacred space (cemetery) in our society. This helps in the marking of a life in history as well as dispersing in a manner desired by the one who passed.

A young man came into the funeral home early one afternoon and told me he was looking for two urns -- a medium one and a full-size one. Of course there has to be a story here! This is what he relayed:

My mom died about five years ago after a long struggle with breast cancer. Her request was to be cremated and then scattered at the Brazeau Dam. This is the place they (mom and dad) would take my brother and I camping every summer. It was kind of like, our place.

After she’d been cremated, my brother and I drove up to the Brazeau Dam and generously scattered her around a particular area. We each had a beer, shared some special memories and then hopped into the truck, for the drive back to Edmonton. Our Dad was in a care centre at this time and really didn’t have the capacity to attend with us, that day.

It wasn’t long, maybe halfway home when I began to develop a knot in my stomach. Something was not quite right. I didn’t share it with my brother. He dropped me off, we said goodbye and I went into my home. It became apparent rather quickly that I was not comfortable with having scattered all my mom’s remains away. I just didn’t want to leave her there, all alone. I know, it sounds pretty irrational. That was what she had requested but we had not had any conversation about what “we” (my dad, brother and I) might need from her death. I slept very little that night, trying to wish my grief and my feelings away -- to no avail.

The next morning I trudged to the basement for a couple of her old canning jars and made the trip back to the Brazeau Dam to try and figure out what I should do. I felt so deeply that I didn’t want to leave her there, alone. So, I went to the location where we had scattered and I scooped back much of her cremated remains into the mason jar. I decided to keep the remains in the house until my dad passed and then I’d place them together. My dad is quickly reaching his end of life and so I’m here today for two urns, one for him and one for her.

It is more than OK to take some time to sort through a fitting farewell ritual (celebration of life, family dinner, camping gathering) for your loved one. It does not have to be completed during the first ten days after death. A well thought through plan for disposition of cremated remains will also inform your grief processes, for the better.